[Riepilogo Dettagli] Mario Kart 7

Sì, ma cioè...che recensione dimmerda è? Qua bisogna fare un intervento.

[FANBOYDIMMERDA]

Citazione

Describing Mario Kart 7 is going to be almost pointless for anybody who has played most of the series, especially since this one ignores the more gimmicky aspects of Double Dash!! and Mario Kart Wii. The seventh iteration of the venerable kart racing series truly returns to the series' roots, keeping things free of complications and delivering the kind of "pure" karting experience fans have played for years. Usually, such a simplistic return to form can be a good thing, but with Mario Kart 7, the roots have aged to the point where they may well have become rotten.

Descrivere Mario Kart 7 è inutile perchè ignora gli aspetti di Double Dash (il secondo giocatore? Sti gran cazzi!) e Mario Kart Wii??? (OVVERO?!? Le moto?!? O I controlli come il Vulantin?!? Ma vaffanculo). Mario Kart ha un gameplay INVECCHIATO? Cioè ma ti rendi conto di quante cazzate hai già detto?

Citazione

Indeed, Mario Kart 7 is the same Mario Kart you've fundamentally played six times before. There are 32 courses (16 new, 16 remixed versions of old courses) littered with obstacles and power-up boxes that boast familiar, luck-based items. Homing red shells, slippery banana skins, and vision-obscuring squids are all back, joined by three fresh items -- a Tanooki Tail that can swipe players and obstacles, a Fire Flower that rapidly tosses projectiles along a straight path, and a big red Seven that gives players seven previously established items to choose from. The fire power is great at annoying other players and the Seven is definitely cool, but I must say that the Tanooki Tail is fairly useless -- obstacles are easily avoided and the power-up rarely appears when you're close enough to other racers to strike them.

Mbe non vuoi ringraziare il cielo che è sempre lo stesso Mario Kart? Chi cazzo vuole stravolgimenti in un gioco dove la formula funziona perfettamente?

La Tanooki Tail abbastanza inutile. Di questo ne riparleremo tra un pò. :uhm:

Citazione

Other fresh additions include gliding equipment and underwater sections. Although these new elements provide something aesthetically different, they don't actually change the game. Underwater racing is a little slower and air gliding is a little floatier, but their impact on the gameplay is minimal at best, appearing merely as vapid contrivances that exist to provide the illusion of variety rather than actually altering the core experience.

Non cambiano il gioco? La Madonna, innovazioni del genere non sono mica roba da poco in Mario Kart. :boh:

E poi ancora meglio se il gameplay ha poche differenze, come già detto, chi cazzo vuole stravolgimenti?

Citazione

It takes seconds for all the familiar problems with Mario Kart to surface. Rubber banding and fixed races are still an integral part of every course, and victory in a race yet again hinges hugely on the element of basic luck, with items such as the Blue Shell returning to punish players who commit the sin of maintaining success. These are long-standing issues with the series that many will likely have gotten used to but really ought to have been dealt with by the seventh installment. Simply put, these problems have grown incredibly tiring, and items like the Blue Shell stopped being funny several sequels ago.

GNE GNE NON SAI PERDERE. :fermosè:
Che palle con sto guscio blu e la fortuna…Non c’hai capito un cazzo di Mario Kart allora :furbo:

Citazione

Familiar problems would be bearable if not for the other big issue with Mario Kart 7 -- it's just too damn slow. Even budget kart racers like Jimmie Johnson's Anything With An Engine are faster and more exciting than this.

Uhm, gioco lento dici?
Sì…ma sai cosa sono i miniturbo vero? :look:

Citazione

Fact of the matter is that kart racers are old news, and this is one of the most routine kart racers on the market. Even series like Dynasty Warriors and Madden boast fresher features with each iteration than those found in Mario Kart 7, and as someone who usually has no problem with sticking to a winning formula, not even I can justify how formulaic Mario Kart has become. Nintendo has truly played it safe with Mario Kart 7, but it's done so to such a degree that the game could be accused of cowardice. Something bolder needed to arrive, something that shook up a very tired style of game. Nintendo shockingly chose not to take that brave step this time around.

Cioè ma che cazzo volevi di più?? Cosa bisognava modificare?? Ma cosa ti mangi a colazione, roba scaduta?? Poi se tipo Nintendo si metteva a modificare l’intera struttura di gioco poi ecco che arrivano tutti a spalare merda sopra perché il gioco non è più lo stesso blabla rivogliamo il vecchio MK blabla. E poi diciamolo, Mario Kart è forse una delle poche serie che ha davvero bisogno di poche novità per apparire sempre in forma efficiente. E quelle apportate in questo episodio mi sembrano più che sufficienti. Quindi

Citazione

Outside of races, the time trials have returned, as have coin dash and battle modes -- the former a series of arenas in which players must collect and keep the most coins and the latter a series of arenas in which players must use items to pop balloons on opposing karts. Unlike in Mario Kart DS, the rather neat ability to blow into the microphone to inflate balloons is no longer included. This is a straight old-school mode like everything else.

Sticazzi. E comunque pure in MKDS non era necessario soffiare premendo select. Pirla. :awesome:

Citazione

The only vaguely compelling element is the new kart customization feature, but it is about as streamlined and restricted as you could ever hope to get. You basically get to unlock and swap new kart bodies, wheels, and gliders by collecting coins in the various races. Each new add-on has its own set of statistics to help with speed, turning, and acceleration, but ultimately, you won't be spending much time on creating a personal vehicle since there's very little to play with. Same can be said for the new roster of racers, which doesn't really bump the character count up due to quite a few having been taken out. I'd rather have Dry Bones back than the uninteresting bee queen from Mario Galaxy.

Oh amico, si era capito che la personalizzazione dei kart era limitata fino ad un certo punto. Questo è Mario Kart mica Gran Turismo. Deve rimanere un gioco semplice. E già tutta sta roba comunque, non è da poco. :unsisi:

Ah, su Dry Bones > Regina Ape credo che possiamo essere d’accordo. Forse l'unica cosa. :uhm:

Citazione

Both online and local multiplayer are included, with players able to partake in both races and battles. Once again, there's nothing new here. If you aren't sick of Mario Kart then you'll probably find some longevity in the multiplayer, which is at least streamlined and allows for random play without the need for Friend Codes.
Nevertheless, multiplayer doesn't really make the game more exciting, especially online where you can't even have the fun of taunting each other and are instead stuck in a rather dry, joyless atmosphere. You also can't quit out of the game during a certain point in matchmaking, instead having to turn the entire 3DS off if you want to stop. Which is convenient.

Il multiplayer non rende il gioco più eccitante. Soprattutto Online.
Certo, Mario Kart è più divertente in singolo. E' molto meglio giocare con la CPU. Si si, sicuramente. Chi cazzo ci gioca mai in multiplayer con giochi come questi?

Citazione

Mario Kart is in need of a severe shake up. This stagnant, crawling, and indolent effort is not it.

No, secondo me TU c'hai bisogno di una forte scossa, non Mario Kart. Vai a cagare. :rox:

Citazione

Final Verdict:
5.0

Mediocre: 5s are an exercise in apathy, neither Solid nor Liquid. Not exactly bad, but not very good either. Just a bit "meh," really. Basically, this is like a "7" on your grandfather's blog.

Tanto sto gioco se lo compreranno tutti. AHAHAHA.
SO FUCK YOU. :smile:

[/FANBOYDIMMERDA]

Mah, classica recensione di chi ci gioca 2 giorni per poi passare già a un altro titolo. Questa cosa deve averla fatta non soltanto con i Mario Kart, ma con qualsiasi altro gioco. :P

Prendete una qualsiasi recensione di Mario Kart DS.
Il gioco è valutato bene, ma quei recensori non hanno giocato lo stesso titolo che mi sono sciroppato IO in questi sei anni. Nossignore.

Come aveva detto Nike in un post precedente, le recensioni "generiche" ci interessano fino a un certo punto. Che sia un bel titolo ce lo dice IGN, che gli appioppa 9 su 10.
Ma a noi a dover interessare sono altri aspetti. Per esempio: la profondità del gioco (gameplay, track-design, equilibrio), e questa cosa non la puoi leggere su una recensione, ma si potrà intuire soltanto fra qualche settimana/mese.